Who Knew
by cashewdani
Summary: Something's wrong with Buffy (WIP)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Who Knew?  
  
Author: Danielle  
  
E-mail: PrincessCashew@hotmail.com  
  
Rating: PG for now  
  
Spoilers: Hell's Bells and Normal Again especially, but everything is fair game  
  
Summary: Something's up with Buffy. Let's see if she can figure it out.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. I'm kidnapping ideas from all over, I know, I'm such a dirty thief and I can't even write my own plots anymore. So sue me. (That was only metaphorical suing, I'm poor remember!) So thanks to Colleen for the challenge she posted on BA Gutter and to Jess for providing me with evidence and inspiration.  
  
Feedback: I would love it so much if you sent me some!  
  
Distribution: Whoever wants it can have it, just e-mail me first so I can come and visit. It will be posted at my site  
  
"You glow." His words had stuck with me, following me and only becoming more prominent when I try to suppress them. I didn't feel quite so glowy anymore. Either the antidote or the poison itself had severely messed up my insides.  
  
"Are you okay? You haven't been looking so great recently." Lorraine had put her hand onto my shoulder and I hadn't even noticed. "I was just kidding about the drug reference, but I don't know."  
  
"I'm ok, getting over the flu." I answered quickly; trying to breathe more through my mouth than my nose as the smell of grilling burgers filled my sinuses. The nausea had only recently started, much after the headaches and dizzy-spells.  
  
I turned towards the fryers, they were mysteriously bubbling again, and I could feel the bile rising in my throat. "Well why don't you go sit down." I was being led somewhere when I heard that voice.  
  
"You alright luv?"  
  
"Who are you?" Lorraine stepped almost protectively in front of me, shielding my haggard appearance from the peroxide blond. Little did she know he'd seen me after much worse.  
  
He didn't answer the question. "She okay?" He had that look in his eyes again; that I just want to help and why will no one let me look. Helpless and hopeless. I was a little upset that the expression warmed a part of me. He did that more often, made me want him. Not his body or his words, just him. And that was really why I couldn't use him anymore, because I felt guilty about it.  
  
The counter was the only thing between us, and I could see he was trying to decide if he should jump it. Fists clenched, weighing his options.  
  
Lorraine was glaring at him. "She'll be fine. If you're in here to order, there's a register open down there." She pulled me further towards the back, and I would have spoken, but I was sure I was going to be sick if I opened my mouth.  
  
She plopped me down on the sofa in the employee's locker room in back of the store, a little too forcefully for my stomach and it lurched once more. "I wish people would mind their business."  
  
I took a breath, which quieted my body a little. "It kind of is his business."  
  
"Of course it's not Buffy. No customer needs to know anything about you."  
  
"That guy, Spike, we've kind of been seeing each other on and off for awhile." I had no idea why I was telling her this, but it felt necessary. I felt bad that she'd said those things to him.  
  
"Oh, I'm so sorry Buffy. I'll go get him. I'm sorry, I had no idea." She had run out of the room before I had a chance to stop her, and standing up caused another wave of discomfort to wash over me. I slowly tried to lower myself back down without the room spinning, and I was halfway there before I felt his hands on my back. Even with my eyes closed I knew him.  
  
"Lorraine told me my girlfriend could use a little help in here." She opened her eyes to see he was smiling a little. "What hurts?"  
  
"What doesn't hurt would be a much shorter list."  
  
"Are you still getting those headaches? I'll get some ice if you want, rub some of it on your neck like you like."  
  
"Yes, the headaches are still stopping by. Willow said she's not sure how long the side effects are going to last. I don't need the ice tonight though." He ran his fingertips over my forehead, and their coolness was soothing. He pushed the sweaty wisps of hair from my skin and everything seemed a little better.  
  
"You had the headaches before any of this happened Buffy. You're sure nothing's wrong?"  
  
"Willow said this is all quite common. Tara agrees with her. And Buffy plus stress equals headaches." He pulled me in a little closer and kissed the top of my head.  
  
"So you tell many people that I'm your boyfriend or does my ultimatum still hold?"  
  
And the being better went away. "It's not like that. I didn't say you were my boyfriend, just that we see each other off and on. I've been kind of preoccupied with some other things right now Spike. Like not vomiting on your boots."  
  
"I'm sorry luv. Got a bit of a tummyache?"  
  
"Understatement of the year."  
  
"I'm taking you home. Come on. I have my car outside."  
  
"My shift isn't even half over yet, I can't leave."  
  
"You're done for tonight Buffy. Go home." Lorraine had reappeared in the doorway.  
  
"But."  
  
"No buts. Get out of here. Get yourself better and come back then. Hope it's a quick recovery." She smiled at me and I was kind of happy that that demon had eaten Manny.  
  
Spike led me to the car, walking very slowly, and holding me around the waist. Oh we were so definitely broken up. He opened the car door with his free hand, still supporting me with the other. "Here. Do you need help?"  
  
"I can get into a car by myself Spike."  
  
"Just offering. Should know better by now." He slammed it shut as soon as my legs had shakily made their way inside and stamped around to the driver's side. He started the car in the silence, and I felt the knots retying themselves in my abdomen. Pulling out of the parking lot, he turned sharply onto the street.  
  
"Stop the car."  
  
"What for Slayer? If you think I'm going to let you walk home in this condition."  
  
"Please, just pull over."  
  
"I'm sorry Buffy. Please, just let me take you home and then I'll leave you alone. Won't even tell the Scoobies about us."  
  
"You have to pull over. I think I'm going to puke." He maneuvered the vehicle quite expertly to the curb and I almost fell out with my urgency to push the handle upwards. What I'd managed to get down at dinner was now up again, lying on someone's front lawn. Just looking at it turned my stomach again, and oh look, there's lunch too.  
  
He was rubbing my back slowly and murmuring something but I couldn't hear what he was saying. Slowly the words came into focus. "Let it all out pet. You'll feel better soon." Another constriction of my muscles hit, and once more I had my head hanging off of the seat. "There we go."  
  
I went to wipe my face with the back of my hand, but he pulled a Kleenex out of his pocket. "Thanks." I said, taking the tissue from him and sitting up again in the seat. "I'm sorry." I really want to cry, I feel horrible about yelling at him, and then almost vomiting on his upholstery.  
  
"Don't be sorry luv. Stuff happens. We're not all lucky enough to be members of the undead. Do you want to walk the rest of the way or are you alright for now?"  
  
"I'm ok I think."  
  
"Glad to hear it. Why don't you lie down here." His hand patted his thigh and I proceeded to lie my head there. The pounding stopped for awhile. "Let's get you home and get some chicken soup in you." I groaned into his leg. Laughing, he replied "Fine, have it your way. Only bed rest for my Slayer."  
  
I didn't make a comment about the possession. I think I was too busy falling asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

He walked me to the door, and kind of stood at the entryway unsure about what he was supposed to do. I was a little unsure too. I'd lied about Willow and Tara knowing. No one knew anything; he was the only person in on it, well and now Lorraine too. Everyone else I could hide it pretty well from, wasn't around them much anyway.  
  
If he came in and told them all that he'd taken me home from work because I was sick I'd never hear the end of it. But if they weren't there, and he left.I didn't want to be alone in the house. I made sure that someone was always home with me.  
  
"Spike, why don't you come in, I don't want to be here by myself."  
  
"And if the others are in there? What then?"  
  
"Why don't we wait and see. Please, I have to sit down." Suddenly caretaker Spike reared his head again and seemed ready to pick me up and carry me over the threshold. Not what I had in mind at all for tonight.  
  
I unlocked the deadbolt and called from the front hallway. "Anyone home? Guys?"  
  
There was no response and I motioned for Spike to come inside while removing my jacket. His hands were quickly on the sleeves, slowly taking them off one by one; then moving towards my hips, leading me towards the stairs. So definitely not what I had in mind for tonight.  
  
"Spike come on. We've gone over this."  
  
"Gone over what pet?"  
  
"Well first off the names, no more pet. My name is Buffy. Buffeeeeeeeeee. Buffy. And Spike, I'm in no condition or interested in having sex tonight."  
  
"God! You're a bloody bitch you know that. Did you ever think that I just wanted to take care of you, that you're important to me and I love you and that it's not just about sex? Because it isn't Buffy. I wouldn't be here right now if it were about sex. Maybe I shouldn't be here, because that's all you think I want." He turned to leave, and I knew I messed up.  
  
"Don't go. It's not what I meant to say."  
  
"You meant it alright. You've told me before, it's over. I just have to get it through my thick head. I'm a pig and I'm disgusting right Buffy? A soulless, undead creature of the night not even worthy enough to touch your sacred flesh. You're the hero and I'm nothing more than the dragon. So why don't you just slay me already?"  
  
"Because I'm scared." The answer is honest, and it hurts to just say it. I know that I'm scared, terrified even, but I'm not supposed to be. Not Buffy, not the girl who the fate of the world rests upon. But I am, and hearing it out loud causes tears to dribble from their ducts. "I'm scared that I'm not good enough to be Dawn's guardian. And I'm scared that I'm just driving everyone away, because that's exactly what I'm doing. I keep telling you to get out of my life, and my sister hates me. I tried to kill my friends. Really racking up the points in the keeping people around department. But you know what frightens me the most? Dying. I can't die again."  
  
"You're not going to die. What makes you think that?"  
  
"My mother was sick like this right before they found the tumor. These were my mother's symptoms, and I can't have cancer Spike. I can't. There's Dawn, and the house, and who's going to take care of her." It wasn't that though, I was more worried about who was going to take care of me. But there's really no one left is there?  
  
"These are two completely different things Buffy."  
  
"But what if they're not? What if this is some genetic malfunction?" I'm crying worse now, after saying this all, everything I swore I wouldn't share, and that gnawing in my stomach is back with a vengeance. "What if I'm right and I'm going to have a hemorrhage and die on the living room sofa just like she did? All alone."  
  
"Is that why you want someone here all the time now? Because you're afraid of that?" I thought he would laugh when he figured it out, make some witty remark about the strong and powerful Slayer, but he only looks at me with sad eyes and comes closer. "Oh Buffy," and it's only said within a sigh, but I hear it anyway. "That's not going to happen to you. Not ever. I wouldn't let it." He's holding me; those arms that always make me forget only a millisecond about why I hurt. "Why don't we go upstairs, get you into the bath and then bed. You need to rest."  
  
"I think maybe I do." The tears have stopped, and surprisingly I feel better after sharing it than I did when I was keeping it hidden.  
  
"You'll go to sleep tonight, and we'll talk about this in the morning. We'll go to a doctor, get some tests done if you're really worried about it. Your beloved Scooby Gang will be happy to help."  
  
"Don't get them involved yet."  
  
"Whatever you want Buffy."  
  
"You'll stay tonight, at least until they come home?"  
  
"As long as you need me."  
  
"Might be for awhile."  
  
"Don't worry, I'm in for the long haul Buffy."  
  
I head upwards, but he remains below, leaning on the banister. "Can you do me one more thing?" I ask, turning towards him.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Call me whatever you like, I'm not so fond of Buffy. Too much of an e sound at the end."  
  
He smirks, he doesn't want to laugh, but the expression makes me want to. "Alright luv." And I walk on, a little more content than I've been. 


End file.
